I am uncomfortable with my life right now.
For the past 33 years I knew what I was supposed to be doing. I knew who I was. I was a wife, a mom, and a daughter. Most of my days revolved around those roles. I supported and loved my husband, I tried to be the best mom I could be for my kids, I loved and honored my parents. I was involved in church, and I had a part time job but my family came first.
And then I moved into a new season of life. Five years ago my youngest child went off to college. We became empty nesters. Just a few weeks after that my mom passed away. 3 months later my husband decided to go back over the road trucking, and I was home alone. My job becamse full time. Last spring my youngest, my only daughter, got married. And 3 weeks ago my dad died.
I still love and support my husband - but he's gone 5 days a week. I still try to be the best mom I can be, but my kids don't need me all the time like they did when they were young.
So, what do I want to do with my life now? More importantly, what does God want me to do in this season of life?
I have been reading the book, When Life's Not Working: 7 Simple Choices for a Better Tomorrow by Bob Merritt. Chapter 4 starts with this question. "What did you do today? Take a moment and think about all the things you did today and then ask yourself a second question: is what I did today the way I want to spend my life?" (page 83) I did spend the day the way I want to spend my life - but it's not all in my control. For example, I spent the day with my husband. We were at the cabin, and after breakfast we had devotions. Then we did the dishes together. We did some other chores at the cabin, and then packed the car and drove home together. Jeff and Aaron came over to have pizza and watch the football games on TV. But then the boys wennt home, and Craig left go back to work in his truck. I want to spend my life with Craig - but his job takes him away from home.
I keep reading the book, and Bob Merritt talks about making a list of your values, and putting them in order. He says that when you know our values, then your decisions big and small will be driven by those values.
It's a good place to start.
So here are my values:
1) To have a close relationship with God
2) To love my husband and have a great marriage
3) To love my children and grandchildren - to be close to them
4) To be involved in kingdom work
5) To be physically healthy
More on this journey in future posts!