As I read the daily devotion from proverbs31.org I thought about how it's been true in my life that marriage is work. We want fairy tail endings - we want to "live happily ever after," we want a boyfriend/husband like we see in the movies, we want someone who loves us without us having to do anything, we want romance in marriage, etc. The good news is that you can have that kind of marriage IF you work hard at it every day of your life and only IF God is at the center of your marriage. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband who loves me completely, works hard to support our family, and loves God. But he's not perfect - and I'm not perfect. So we need to set aside times to talk. We need to compromise (daily!) We need to consciously put the other one first. We have needed to find a mutual interest (our cabin) - something that we enjoy dreaming about, working on and talking about. We need to find romantic times, and new ways to show our love for each other. It just takes work.
But let me tell you - the rewards for this work are unbelievable. We have been married for 28+ years and we love each other more now than ever before. My husband is my best friend as well as my lover and spouse.
Here is the devotion if you'd like to read it for yourself.
February 2, 2007
I Don’t Love My Husband Anymore
By Lysa TerKeurst
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…”
Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
I was saddened by what my friend was sharing. She was tired of her husband so she was leaving him because she found the man she dreamed of being with. I was shocked by my friend’s decision.
I had been in their wedding and heard the lifetime promises made from their hearts. I had been with them to celebrate their first anniversary. I had been with them just after the births of their first and second child. I had shared their laughter, encouraged them through their tears, and enjoyed doing life with them.
While their relationship had not been perfect, they did love one another. But something had gotten broken in their relationship and neither of them knew how to fix it. It led to a stale quietness that seeped into their home and made each feel lonelier and isolated than they ever knew was possible for a “couple.” He had grown distant. She had grown frustrated. Life was busy, finances were stressful, and they stopped making time for romantic conversations they used to enjoy. They used to be a team and felt they could beat anything life sent their way. Now they just fought against each other. Then she met an attentive, financially secure man who seemed to be the answer to all of her unmet longings.
She traded her life for the thrill of something new, the lure of something she perceived would be so much better.
But just two years later I ran into this friend and was stunned by her confession. With tears in her eyes she admitted that she’d discovered fairy tales don’t exist. Every relationship feels exhilarating at the beginning but then real life happens and marriage is hard work no matter who you are married to. When I asked her to tell me about her new husband she smiled shyly and said, “Well, he’s hairy.”
What did she just say? My mind was spinning. Of all the words, all the descriptions, all the romantic terms I expected her to use, “hairy” was no where on the list. How telling that the man that was once so irresistible that she traded everything for him, had now been reduced to one word…hairy!
I’m convinced that in marriage the grass isn’t greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water and fertilize it.
Dear Lord, please help me see my marriage as a sacred thing. May I always understand that being married was not meant to just make me happy but make my character more holy. Help me remember being married is less about having the right partner and more about being the right partner. Shape me into the wife my husband needs and deserves. Help me to pause before I speak so I don’t react out of anger, frustration, or selfishness. Show me how to respect, love and give to this man in a way that honors You and brings joy to our home. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Do You Know Him?
What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood
Capture His Heart by Lysa TerKeurst
Marriage Life Coaching Call with Lysa TerKeurst
Application Steps: Write a list of all the things you love and admire about your husband. If you can’t think of any now, list what you liked about him when you married him. Find some time today to share the list with your husband. Spend some time in prayer for your marriage and for your husband.
Consider signing up for a marriage coaching conference call for women with Lysa TerKeurst. Follow the link in the resources section above to learn more.
Reflections: As a wife, is your goal to help your husband become all that God intends him to be, or all that you intend him to be?.
Have you bought into the cultural idea of marriage being some sort of fairy tale
Sometimes, being a helper is actually a lot of work. How can you better fulfill your God-given role as a helper to your husband?
Power Verses: Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”
Matthew 19:5-6, “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
1 Corinthians 7:13, “If a woman had a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.”
Proverbs 31 Ministries
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